* t @ tty Bears . I N c *

Saturday, May 31, 2008

^The other kind of love^

"Everyone's born with a ragged edge, and some folks crave the piece that's a perfect fit. You'll search for it forever, if you have to. And if you're lucky enough to find it, it looks so right, you can start to tear at your own seams, thinking, maybe I could look just as perfect. But then, of course, when you try to get close to their other half, you don't fit anymore. That kind of love . . . you come out of it a different person than you were when you started."

Excerpt from Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult

|*t@tty snoozed off @ 10:29 pm*|

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Thursday, May 29, 2008

^Berkelah Falls^

Trekking Grad Trip
Berkelah Falls, Kuantan
13th - 15th May 2008

~my lovely trekmates~

Unfortunately, I did not have the time, money nor permission to embark on a grand thousand-dollar globe-trotting grad trip half-way around the world and had to settle for a mini graduation trip this year. I promise one day I will have a proper grad trip. I deserve it after working my a** off in a "world-class" university for 4 years.

But for what I did have, I am very grateful. The rock-climbing was abit of a surprise I must admit. I really expected it to be alot easier. However, I really enjoyed myself. I re-discovered my inner monkey who is stubbornly independent, absolutely refusing help as much as I could. *heh* Girls are egoistic too ya know...the trek was alright and the views were quite nice. Of course I have seen better in places like New Zealand...BUT! The company was irreplaceable.

~dam. I got caught being a wuss.~

~my guardian angel who failed me the one time I fell. :P~

~cooking spam :S~

The utterly not-funny campfire jokes, the weird never-eaten-soup-noodles before tentmate, the don't-eat-in-outfield-cause-don't-wanna-go-poo groupmate... :) it was fun cooking and sleeping outdoors again. Been a while since I went back to basic. Of course I woke up with a bad back but hey! The rest of the trip was worth sleeping on the ground.

~our final destination - the 3rd waterfall~

To the one who first invited me...thank you.

|*t@tty snoozed off @ 9:55 pm*|

^It's been a while^

since I last blogged. Almost a month has flown by...a month filled with much heartaches, thinking and putting things into perspective. In the last 5 months, there are many things I have learnt. About life and about myself.

I learnt what love really is. I learnt that there are some scars you can never recover from and that some memories can never be forgotten. I learnt about the beauty and burden of marriage. I learnt I lost one good chance at that.

I learnt who my true friends are. I learnt of things said behind me no matter how long you've been my friend. I learnt of terrible friends I've known and am sad to know. I learnt who are those who are willing to listen and be there with no judgements. I learnt to depend on others.

I learnt that no matter how eloquent I am, words carry no weight when your actions run out of excuses. I began to question my sanity and whether my life was worth living. I learnt some pain hurts beyond words.

I learnt the power of love...what it drives people to do or say, how it motivates them to actions otherwise unreasonable. I believe I am not deserving of such love.

Most of all, I am learning how to love again. I am learning to love myself ... something which really isn't that easy. I am learning to be selfish, to live for me. I wonder if I'll succeed.

The pain doesn't go away as much as I wish it to. To keep it away, to hold it in...sometimes my body shivers from all that strain. Tired would be a good word to describe me now. But from last night, I felt something that was missing in a while. I felt free.

I've found a job I like. It occupies most of my time which is really good. A good book (Jodi Picoult's Vanishing Acts) accompanies me on my journeys, fun colleagues and work occupy the next 10 hours and sleep takes up the rest of the day. Slowly and steadily I make myself climb out of the deep, dark grave I dug 5mths ago. Slowly and steadily I crawl my way towards a thing I used to take for granted - happiness.

I will be happy. Maybe tomorrow...

|*t@tty snoozed off @ 9:39 pm*|

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Sunday, May 04, 2008

^Dance 4 Life^

Labels: dance

|*t@tty snoozed off @ 1:03 am*|

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